Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
