I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
