This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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