if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
