Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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