im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
