Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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