My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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