He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A+ Viking dick
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
