I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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