Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
