At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
