I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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