dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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