Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
