watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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