We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
