I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
