i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize