I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
