WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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