Me too!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
