my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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