Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
