the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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