It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
