I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
