tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
