I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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