i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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