So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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