She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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