I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
