I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize