It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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