i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This baby is an asshole
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
