alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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