mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
