i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ugly people sure do ruin things
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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