So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
