i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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