Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
