Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
