I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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