why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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