You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
