I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
