i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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