No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
