Those balls look pretty dangerous.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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