And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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