So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
