i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
