wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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