i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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