Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
