If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
