Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
