ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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