grandma shit on top of the toilet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
