I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
