How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
