I wanna bring you to show and tell
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I AM VODKA MAN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
