Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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