remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize