Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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