today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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