a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
