I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
