did you get engaged???
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
