he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
