break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
