Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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