Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
