Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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