Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
tell me about the eggs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
