So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and she was petting her beer can
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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