dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
