my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
