I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize