Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
