Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
