Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
