I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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