through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize