i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
