i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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