You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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