pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
