was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
