wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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