just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
