So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
