Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
