CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
