I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
