This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
