windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
and she was petting her beer can
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
