I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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