He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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