He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
