i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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