You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
