i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
