He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
