There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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