Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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