I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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