when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
