I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
