I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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